Following on from a defeat seven days earlier, which resulted in an angry review on TripAdvisor for the town of Thorne, Wetherby hosted Wath-Upon-Dearne at Grange Park on Saturday. Whilst trying to work out where Wath is, my guess from the name was somewhere in middle earth. It turned out I wasn't far off; they're from Rotherham.

Wath started with a mix and match line-up that looked drawn from a hat, as their big lumps lined up in the back row, while the smaller, more mobile forwards lined up in the front five. Despite this unorthodox set-up they applied much of the early pressure. After puffing up his chest like a quail and boldly talking about making the first big hit of the game, Myles Oates found himself door-matted in the first minute as he got absolutely SAT by his opposite man.

Wath earned an early shot at goal but missed a fairly regulation kick. Indecision in the Wetherby defence twice should have been exposed but for the poor execution from the Wath backs, first throwing a ball into touch, and secondly throwing an intercept pass straight into Jack Kaye's welcoming arms. With his quickly thinning hair flapping in the wind like an inflatable tube man, he ran in from 90 to open the Wetherby scoring. 7-0.

The middle section of the first half turned into a wrestling match. The doormen Mattie Chappel and Matt Harrison constantly refused entry without ID through the Wetherby defence. Liam Hogan ran powerful lines as the Wath defenders were left trying to plait the fur on his back. James Gibson carried on his impressive return to the squad with rangey running making the most of his slinky legs! The arm wrestle resulted in 2 Wetherby penalties and a Wath reply to put the scores at 13-3.

One of the staple points of Wetherby's game over the last few years has been the stability of the scrum, which again proved to be the case. Elliott Lloyd Kinsey Griffiths seems to be taking the aggravations of married life out of poor unsuspecting tight-heads on a Saturday afternoon. Meanwhile, Bradley Mason's life only seems to function when he's packing down as we heard the first excuse of the new year for not training this week! He was revising for his GCSE maths exam, despite having been a maths teacher for a year! Broken Britain right there.

On top of a solid scrum, Wetherby are starting to build a reliable line-out and the combination of Steve Hoather and James Gibson gave good quality ball for the backs to fire off. The reformed character of Jack Kaye, who is being mentored by his slightly less moronic younger brother Harry, found himself on the end of the move but still had work to do as he scored in the corner. 18-3.

To Wath's credit they responded well to conceding and came back firing. Unfortunately a familiar ugly head started to become prominent for Wetherby. Not Myles Oates, but the ever increasing penalty count. Wath kicked to the corner and opted for the drive. The drive was well formed, and peeled off for the try with five minutes before half-time. 18-10.

Wetherby had a couple of opportunities to stretch their lead before half time. Danny Warden struck the post with a penalty from in front for the second week running, before Wetherby forced an opening down the right hand side. In the first foray into the competition of "who can drop the most easy balls" between Alex Dus and Billy Cale, Dussy drew first blood as he spilled the pass that would have put him in for the try. In a game of lookalikes, Dussy was compared to Poldark. It was later confirmed that the source of this ridiculous comparison has been suffering with cataracts for some time however.

Half time: Wetherby 18-10 Wath-Upon-Dearne

Wetherby came out of the blocks firing after the break and a re-shuffle in the back row saw Jonny Day and Tom Edwards flapping around like a pair of wasps, getting under the opposition skin. Despite their wholly different opinions on issues of courtship, they complimented each other perfectly as they both made chopping tackles. A turnover in play allowed for Myles Oates to show his searing pace to score Wetherby's third try of the afternoon. The highly discussed theory that Myleypoo's girlfriend acts as his Kryponite was again brought up as he scored when she'd gone inside to the bar. It should be noted at this point that all money raised on the raffle this year is being put towards paying the bounty hunter for her so we can have our bulbous headed try machine back. 25-10.

Boston Spa drinking partners AJ Hills and Jack Radcliffe arrived on the pitch just in time to watch the wheels start falling off. AJ brought down his dashing new missus. My weird and wonderful mind has decided that in a power rangers like alteration, a fusion of their two faces would answer the mystery of what happened to Conchita from Eurovision!

Meanwhile in the rugby Wath pressurised the Wetherby line and landed a penalty before returning straight to the Wetherby 22. A gust of wind caught under Mattie Chappel's ears and pushed him offside, which unfortunately earned him a yellow card as the referee refused to take into account the mitigating circumstances on show. From the resulting penalty Wath shipped the ball wide and despite having a painted sanitary towel wrapped around his wrist Danny Warden and the rest of his back line could do nothing to stop the Wath centre from power in over. 25-18.

As the game began to slow and dribble towards a dull end, there was time for one more bit of dramatic brilliance. Harry Kaye spotted a gap to go through the defence before gambling on a chip and chase over the full-back before collecting and off-loading in the tackle to the supporting Myles Oates. Not only a gambler on the pitch, Harry Kaye is also a keen gambler off it as well. Rarely has there ever been a man as engrossed and enchanted by the witchcraft of a raffle. He mentioned after the game that he can't wait for the next home game where he gets to have another go! Maybe one day you'll be able to run your own Harry!

Final Score: Wetherby 32-18 Wath-Upon-Dearne.

Credit to Wath who caused a lot of aching bodies the following day, and a good start to the account for Wetherby who travel to Ripon on Saturday keen to build on the foundations laid with this performance.

MoM: Tom Edwards - Vintage performance to match his vintage hair style. Just look what happens when you hold on to the ball!

DoD: Mattie Chappel - cards must be punished.