On the wettest weekend of the year, Saturday afternoon brought ridiculous conditions. More ridiculous than Liam Hogan turning his traction control off just before a roundabout. More ridiculous than the hashtag #ChefsTable on Shannon's online shrine to Myleypoo. More ridiculous than Bradley Mason's working hours. Have you ever heard of a teacher who's at work for 70 hours a week? Me neither. That's not the reason he couldn't make training this week though... He had to walk the dogs instead. Wow.

The car park was flooded, the walk up to the pitch was flooded, but the theatre of dreams was fit to play. A colour clash between the two sides meant that Wetherby played in an old blue kit. Unfortunately for Wetherby it was made from sponge and soaked up every bit of precipitation! Even Conor Sheridan weighed over 10 stone on Saturday, despite looking like Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers club.

Baildon started the game with a short kick off and Bradley Mason's attempt to catch the kick off looked more accustomed to a cabaret club than a rugby pitch. Knock on. Baildon had the put in but the Wetherby forwards showed a powerful display in winning the ball against the head. The Wetherby backs showed great hands in the appalling weather to get the ball to Conor Sheridan to finish off the try. 7-0.

Another botched kick off receipt and some poor work at the breakdown gave a penalty to Baildon. A missed kicked to touch gave space for the backs. Wetherby might have scored from a deft kick through by Stephen Hoather to set up Jack Kaye but once again he showed his abject lack of pace. Will Jefferson also noticed this as he spent an hour after the game sniffing round coach Mike McHugh-Hicks like a dog in heat!

Fortunately for Wetherby, cuddle monster Myles Oates had the pace a couple of phases later to run under the posts. The god awful shirts were a respite for my constant criticism of myleypoo's on-pitch fashion sense. 14-0.

Despite a strong Wetherby start and temperatures colder than Harry Kaye's new fancy piece on date night, Baildon worked hard to get themselves into the game. A testing chip over the top from their fly-half was gathered well by their captain who showed good toe to run the ball in for the try. 14-5.

Wetherby bounced back and played ten minutes of physical rugby with the forwards being used as a battering ram. Elliott Lloyd Kinsey Griffiths went close. Stephen Hoather had a try dubiously disallowed but a Baildon infringement led to a 5m scrum. The Wetherby pack was dominant again and pushed over to give George Gilbert the try. 19-5.

With Wetherby on the hunt for a bonus-point try the forwards picked some hard running lines down the left, sucking in the defence. This created the space for myleypoo to break the line and pass to Conor Sheridan to score. We must congratulate Conor on the good news he got this week. He's been selected as the new model for the oxfam Christmas adverts. 26-5.

The first half continued in the same vein with powerful carries from the forwards, solid defence from Tom Edwards and James Greenwood (when they stayed onside), and pace and cutting edge from the backs. Another good piece of handling from the Wetherby backs put Jack Kaye in for a try surely even he couldn't mess up. He tried his best to mess it up but crawled over the line in an ungainly manner to score. 31-5.

The five minutes before half time saw Baildon make seventy yards without actually touching the ball! Three times Baildon scrums were turned over by the Wetherby pack only for Alex Dus to knock the ball on and give Baildon another scrum further down the pitch! I wonder if Alex's mind was on other things. Maybe he did something last weekend that he shouldn't have done... Don't worry though Dussy, I won't tell if you don't. (He will definitely tell you. He told me six times last night.)

Half time. 31-5.

The second half was markedly colder than the first with a family of polar bears spotted in the car park. Fortunately chisel-tooth Chris Atkinson grinned at them and they backed off, grumbling something about him being a five out of ten now! The cold weather was not enough to stop the powerful Wetherby pack however as they turned the screw once more at scrum time, not only winning the ball against the head but pushing over to gift one half of Bevis and Butthead, George Gilbert his second try of the match. 36-5.

With Baildon losing hope and Wetherby losing interest, only one man remained keen to play some rugby. On came Liam Hogan. With one of his first carries, he bust through tackles, broke the line, threw a filthy dummy and ran under the posts for Wetherby's seventh try of the afternoon. 43-5.

As the glaciers started to form on the side of the clubhouse the standard of rugby dropped significantly. This didn't stop a strong run by oversized Graham Norton impressionist Bradley Mason from creating a good opportunity for clean ball. It was recycled well to Stephen Hoather who got SMASHED by the Baildon 6! What a loser.

Final score Wetherby 43-5 Baildon.

Thanks must go to Baildon who made the best out of a bad situation, and all the best to the lad who had the ambulance called.

MoM - Conor. (Not picked by us)
DoD - Tom Bottomley. Decided it was too cold after five minutes and faked an ankle injury. I'm only jealous I didn't think of that first!