As if decimating Cumbrian homes wasn’t enough, Storm Desmond threatened to destroy something more important this weekend – the Wetherby match. After four laps of Rotherham we all finally found the changing rooms and wandered down to the pitch. Gale force winds struck early as they got under Mattie Chappell’s ears and sent him soaring off into the south Yorkshire sky like the scene at the end of Mary Poppins. We trudged through conditions reminiscent of the battle of the Somme and made our way towards the pitch to try and piece together a warm up. Not ideal preparation.

For the first time in living memory Wetherby made a strong start to the game and showed good handling and ball carrying in the early period to put pressure on Rotherham from the off. The pressure told as Wetherby scored an early try through Conor Sheridan as his mazy running and dummies showed glimpses of the player he used to be! More pressure and good use of open play led to Alex Dus being handed a gift of a try. Good hands, running, and support play from the kick off led to another try for Conor. Three tries up after ten minutes.

Benjamin Franklin once said that there are two certainties in life: Death and Taxes. Mr Franklin never had the fortune of watching Liam Hogan play rugby however as 15 minutes into the game he received ANOTHER yellow card. The referee did say what for but I wasn’t really listening. I have been told that the official club line on referees is ‘They had a good game and we hope they referee us again soon’, but in all seriousness this one was quite good!

With Wetherby down to 14 men it only provided more space on the pitch for the Wetherby backs to exploit and Will Jefferson produced two neat finishes to secure the Wetherby Bonus point. Wetherby started playing with width, the Rotherham defence were spread too thin and a gap opened up for Tom Edwards to cut a lovely line and finish from 40 yards. Conor wrapped up the half by securing his hat-trick and Wetherby went in at the break leading 45-0.

The second half started with a rejuvenated Rotherham side feeding off Wetherby errors to have a few periods of possession in the Wetherby 22. The hard work of their forwards finally paid off as they forced their way through the battling Wetherby defence for their only points of the match.

As the match became a little more disjointed and ill-disciplined, several fracas started breaking out (most of them involving Barney Roberts). This scrappy period allowed Myles Oates to scamper away and score under the posts. He followed up his try with a bone-crunching tackle in midfield, which will have earned Myleypoo double cuddlywuddlys from his missus. Update: he still dresses strangely.

More scrappy play resulted in a yellow card to Will Dutton for handbags at the side of a ruck. The self-proclaimed "Turnover King" may have been off the pitch but Stephen Hoather was creating more turnovers than Mary Berry to provide good attacking ball. Jack Kaye profited from one of these opportunities as he burst through the line. An abject lack of pace meant that not only was he caught by the Rotherham defence, but also by 17 1/2 stone Liam, who took the offload to score.

The next Wetherby player to cross the whitewash was debutant Chris Atkinson who showed the pace his friend lacked to run in a try on his birthday. This was followed by two fine bits of skill which showed what the Wetherby hype is all about. Firstly, a quick break from Andrew Trotman was followed by an outrageous offload by the mercurial Scot for Barney to finish off the try.

Then a brilliant step, show and go and fantastic hands, all from Elliott Lloyd Kinsley Griffiths. He must have seen his new little brother Barney on the outside as he actually used an overlap for once! Barney finished off the family try ensuring that little story will make the Christmas letter!

Final Score: Wetherby 83-5 Rotherham Phoenix. If anyone finds Mattie Chappell when the winds die down, please post him back to us!

MoM - Chris Atkinson: it's nice to have a back who has pace and can pass! A rare trait at Wetherby.

DoD - Harry Kaye: having backed into a parked taxi, he angrily got out of his car and said "have you just pulled up behind me or something!?"