Photo Credit from John Ashton: For full match photos please click here.

Welcome back to my vaguely accurate ramblings about Wetherby rugby matches. The 2016/17 season opener promised to be an interesting test for the red and whites as Keighley came into town for the second round of the cup (both teams got a bye in the first round). Keighley were promoted into Yorkshire 1 last year and looked for all money to be favourites for the contest. Pre-game talk mainly consisted of purring over the new training kit and ridiculing Jack Kaye for the state he turned up in from Leeds fest. I remember my first weekend away from the parents too Jack.

On a grey, wet afternoon the game started with lots of shouting and swearing from the Keighley contingent, and a generally poor standard of rugby. The ball was as slippery as Bradley Mason's soap during shower time, which meant that scrums were an important early factor in the game. Just as last year, Wetherby's superior technique put them on top in this area. Debutant Scott Wallis was a pillar at tighthead while Elliott Lloyd Kinsey Griffiths put on another one man demolition show. All this scrum dominance got Mattie Chappel hot under the collar as he celebrated by sliding on his knees like a kid at a school disco!

Keighley dominated early possession however and missed with two relatively straight forward kicks at goal. Their big ball carriers in midfield were continually chopped down by resolute wetherby defence. The only ground they made was from mis-communication between second debutant Jack Radcliffe, and the statuesque Danny Warden. For those of you who follow the finely woven plot lines of these match reports, Danny's mid life crisis has continued with reports circulating of him raving in a high-via jacket at the festival on Friday night.

Stout defence 5 meters from the Wetherby line by Jack Kaye showed that he was focussing his anger towards Keighley following another failed round of GCSE resits. The resulting turnover allowed Wetherby to break up the left hand side and apply pressure to Keighley for the first time in the match. With family man Harry Kaye pulling the strings from fly-half Wetherby bought themselves a kickable penalty. In true John Eales style Danny converted. 3-0.

With all three back rowers firing around like cannon balls, Wetherby started to gain traction in the game. Tom Edwards flew off the gain line in defence, Liam Hogan made big yards with every carry he made, and warthog Rob Adair went hunting for truffles in every breakdown again. As half time approached Wetherby looked untroubled. Steve Hoather was hitting his line-outs, the scrum was on top, and Keighley were running out of ideas.

Half-time: Wetherby 3-0 Keighley

After the break, Wetherby came out firing on all cylinders. Despite having one of his quieter games, Myles Oates managed to keep composure despite the stress of his upcoming SATs and the deafening screech of his girlfriend to put the fleet-footed Andrew Trotman in under the posts following a fumble in back play from Keighley. Anyone wondering why DJ Tidz is so elusive to defenders need only watch this video:
10-0.

After regaining possession well from the kick-off, Wetherby once again worked their way up field with big carries from second rows Matt Harrison and Mattie Chappel making dents in the tiring Keighley defence. The introduction of Bradley Mason only helped to pile more pressure on the Keighley scrum as they crumbled like Rob Adair in the face of peer pressure. Who wants to go out for dinner when you can drink vodka and orange juice out of a bin!?
Wetherby squeezed a penalty try to put themselves firmly in the driving seat. 17-0.

Keighley resorted to cheap shots in a failed attempt to put Wetherby out of their stride. Little did they know, we played Bramley Phoenix last year who routinely make these efforts look tame! One woman man Harry Kaye and newly deflowered Billy Cale both received late hits off the ball, earning the opposition yellow cards. Billy put in a solid performance (for the second time this week), despite throwing the warthog a hospital pass from a quick line-out!

The attempted cheap shots only played into Wetherby hands, as loose canon Jonny Day came on for a Rey Mysterio style cameo flying through the holes left in the Keighley defence. Excellent hands from Myles Oates and Alex Dus put in Liam Hogan for a well deserved try for both him and the team. 24-0.

The only bad news of the day came when the warthog Adair overstretched while hunting for more goodies and went off with a hamstring injury, although I'm fairly sure it was all an excuse not to come out!
With Rob gone, Elliott Lloyd Kinsey Griffiths tried to take on the mantle of flare player with a dreadful attempt of a chip and chase! Fortunately Wetherby regathered the ball and pressed down the field. After hammering at the Keighley line, the ball was spread wide to Alex Dus who sold the defence with a show and go and dived over for the try. Danny put the icing on the cake by completing a perfect kicking performance.
Final score: Wetherby 31-0 Keighley

This well drilled performance will give Wetherby good hope going into the upcoming season, starting next week with a tricky trip to Thornensians.

MoM: Liam Hogan - His reintroduction to the back row looks to have been a revelation this year, with freakish power and a brilliant work rate.

DoD: Elliott Griffiths - It takes a real talent in the front row to perfect tactical kicks, I'll give you a lesson in training on Tuesday!