After the Buxton game I got accused of only writing match reports when Wetherby win. So to prove people wrong, here's my report from the Yorkshire Silver Trophy final: Thorne scored more points than we did over the course of 80 minutes.

Rather than waste my time writing about missed tackles and wasted opportunities I thought I'd write a season round-up for the first XV squad players.

FRONT ROW:
Despite his best efforts to trim down and secure his spot in the number 10 jersey, Elliott has once again found himself at the heart of the 'fat but functional' front row. Powerful scrummaging, strong carries and more flare on show than a Jackson 5 tribute band, the boy has it all!
Highlight: his full name is Elliot Lloyd KINSEY Griffiths! Still too funny!

What Steve has lacked for in wildcard behaviour off the pitch this year, he's certainly made up for it whilst on it. 30 concussions a year make for a cocktail of weirdness and outbursts. Despite having a throwing arm like Stephen Hawking he's managed to hold down the shirt for most of the year mainly due to being the best kicker at the club.
Highlight: the only undefeated Wetherby 1st XV captain!

Bradley. Where do I even begin? Let's begin at training, or his lack thereof. We've had everything from his dog voiding it's bowels over the kitchen, to a 70-hour working week for a maths teacher. The only things bradley is more devoted to than missing training are flirting with referees and paddying when he can't remember a line-out call. His attempts to catch a high ball often end up with a display of cabaret moves, and his graham Norton impressions are uncanny!
Highlight: Offering to swap shirts with the referee if he was feeling lucky.

Honourable mentions go to Mattie Harrison whose constant flatulence is matched only by his talent for stupid comments. When told that Sir Ian McGeechan would be paying a visit, Mattie quipped, "who's keith?"
Will Dutton took time out of his busy schedule of promiscuity to leave thumb marked shapes in opposition defences, especially when playing at prop, where he has played "most of his career". His words, not mine.
We can't go without mentioning Frank Pitchford. You come to realise that when you play in the Wetherby front row, you're not really playing for Wetherby, you're playing for Frank.

SECOND ROW
Mattie Chappel has been one of two players to join the side this year. His terrible one liners and 90s dress sense can be forgiven because it's a well known fact that it's always Mattie's round. When not found in his ordinary habitat of Stew and Oyster he migrates by flying head first into rucks.
Highlight: after losing him in the howling gales at Rotherham when the wind got under his ears, we were just glad to see that someone had returned him to his rightful place.

I have been stifled in what I can write about Tom Bottomley by the powers that be but it must be said that Tom's commitment to the club can only be surpassed by his commitment to Lonsdale trainers. Every good ruck inspector must have a pair!
Highlight: drag racing down the A1 with his ford Ka shaking like a leaf in the wind.

The back end of the season saw the return of 2014/15 captain James Gibson who brought back his line-out prowess along with his much loved over-use of the term 'lads' in the team talks. Good to see those giraffe like strides back in action!
Highlight: when being hit on by a giant river monster in Wetherby, Gibbo was asked if he was old Wetherby or young Wetherby. The inflatable emily bronte was confusingly asking him his age through the form of riddle.

BACK ROW
Wetherby have used more back rowers than Mike McHugh Hicks has used razors on his scalp this year. Horrid Henry lookalike George Gilbert has been the mainstay at 8 this year despite using his rock hard skull as a road block for attackers all year.
Highlight: the individual genius to score a solo try at old mods just after Christmas.

Wetherby's second new recruit James Greenwood has suffered in recent weeks with the emergence of the sun. The real Jim Shady has showed what a valuable asset he is to the squad this year with a tackle count as impressive as his weekly shopping bill on tape.
Highlight: when selling eggs from his chickens, he managed to convince Harry Kaye that he was selling newly hatched chicks for him and Jack to keep.

Fellow chicken enthusiast Tom Edwards confirmed what I've always said about him this year: if the game was played without a ball he'd be playing internationally. Unfortunately when you throw a ball onto the pitch he often looks like he's performing a Laurel and Hardy sketch.
Highlight: Heroic defensive performance in the loss to Buxton. Funny how he played best in the game we didn't see the ball!

In an injury ridden campaign AJ Hills has been at the forefront of every night out in the stew, and has been a committed clubman when his ploughing duties and his potato harvesting duties haven't got in the way. A brief re-emergence of the enigmatic Will Cayton sparked a formidable Bevis and Butthead combination with George as they smashed into anything that moved.

HALF BACKS
The final season of Wetherby legend Nick Oates saw him win more awards individually than Wetherby ended up achieving as a collective. The bionic man suffered through various injuries this year with a durability that defied the scale of his osteoporosis. His most impressive trait is his ability to absorb the unrepeatable rants thrown in his direction when I got dropped this year. Sorry nick...
Highlight: holding up the queue for car parking at the Yorkshire cup final as he made the car park attendant watch the video of Dan Carter mentioning him!

The major emergence this year has been the growth of Harry Kaye from cute little lion cub, to alpha male and leader of the pack. As a man who could never be accused of getting excited about rugby it's easy to see why he keeps an unflappable temperament. When coupled with his superstitious rituals, such as his 100 pre-game tinder swipes, and an unhealthy obsession with Kuda in York, he's nailed down his spot in the side.
Highlight: King of the one-liners, "looks like Netflix isn't working, so shall we cut to the chill part?"

Captain Danny Warden's season got off to a terrible start after a hopeless attempt at a 22 drop-out somehow resulted in him breaking his arm! "How does he dooooo that?" Danny's decision making has often been questioned this year, none more so than his fancy dress decision when we played Thorne away. Three days after the Paris attacks, Danny went into the primary breeding ground of Daily Mail readers dressed as a terrorist. Cue the three-month long change of name on Facebook to Danny Watson to hide from Thorne's service crew!
Highlight: Danny thanked everyone for coming down to West Park before realising that he now played for Wetherby!

CENTRES
Some call him the iceberg, some call him the warthog, but mostly people call him Rob Adair. Whether he's playing his trade in the centres or in the back row, you always know what you're going to get with Adair. A powerful little truffle-shuffler who giggles when he runs and screams at the referee at every breakdown in a whine as annoying as a car alarm going off outside your window all night.
Highlight: many generations from now the legend of rob's commitment to a night out will be told as folk-lore to aspiring booze lovers. The 2am emergence in Kuda was the pinnacle.

With all the subtlety of a brick through a glass window Liam Hogan gives the team go forward whenever he gets ball in hand. Having earned £20 from Myles for not receiving a red card all year, his disciplinary record appears to be on the right track, which can only be a good thing for Wetherby next year. He's only threatened to kill me twice this year, down from four last year which is a highlight in anyone's books!
Highlight: turning his traction control off just before coming up to a roundabout and ending up pulling potatoes out of his exhaust pipe.

In a tale of two seasons, outside centre Myles Oates' form has been heavily dependant on whether or not his girlfriend has been there. Whenever she is there myleypoo can concentrate on nothing but cuddly wuddlys, but when she's not sparks of the old Myles still exist. His new profession as an accountant means the Orthodox Jew curls now fall from his forehead, which only becomes more ridged as he pickles himself with wine.
Highlight: Four tries against Halifax just before Christmas earned myleypoo a trip to the chefs table.

WINGERS
Rapidly emerging as the clubs hottest property Andrew Trotman has been running in tries for fun since his move onto the wing. A new season will mean a new set of right wingers who will fall for the left-foot step. With a maverick style and an absolute disgust for contact, his touch rugby style adds another dimension to the teams play.
Highlight: three tries in the national cup quarter final made the stolen Krispy kremes taste all the sweeter on the way back from Liverpool.

Rodney trotter wannabe Will Jefferson has had another solid season. Having added audacious dummies and kicks ahead to his play, he's more than just lanky ginger who runs straight into touch these days! A wise decision maker who appreciates when the best kicker in the club is on his inside, he'll be looking forward to a run in Yorkshire two next year.
Highlight: missing training because a concrete block fell on his head! How did that even happen!?

This season has been a story of what could have been for Jack Kaye. Top try scorer at Christmas, but the loss of his one true love has led to the loss of his form. These stresses have really challenged Jack this year as even his hairline has started to go. Fortunately the emergence of Donald Trump as a presidential candidate reminded him that he could always wear a toupee!
Highlight: Jack's tantrum after being humiliated by a 16 year old Aireborough winger was genuinely hilarious.

FULLBACKS
Early in the season I wrote off Conor Sheridan as a one season wonder, but it turns out I was wrong. For the second season in a row he dragged his anorexic frame through gaps in opposition defences to ensure he didn't have to pass to anyone else! Here's to hoping that doctors deem him too malnourished to travel to the other side of the world and we see him in the red and whit again next year.
Highlights: sharing special brew and tenants super brew with a 14 year old on the way back from Liverpool proved the lengths he'll go to for a good story!

Although opportunities have been hard to come by for Alex Dus this year, after one night out with him you'll be forced to relive every second of the action with him. An expert in hog farming on a night out, his one attempt at honest love ended up in a tale of home-wrecking I've heard about every Saturday night since.
Highlight: trying to hide himself from me as I walked past him cracking on with another one of his dreadful women! Nothing gets past this eagle eye!

Overall moment of the year: Scousers are well known for their wit and when a Wallasey Supporter saw Nick Oates he said, "bloody hell, has he had is flu jab or what!?"

Despite a disappointing end to the season, it's been another good year for Wetherby RUFC and there's plenty more to look forward to next year!